|
Post by caleb on Jul 10, 2011 0:30:14 GMT -5
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I'VE GIVEN IT ALL TO YOU
Caleb had never been the type that ran from anything. Maybe it was due to the fact that he wasn't ever really scared of anything in his life. He let things happen and he reacted as though nothing phased him. And for the most part, nothing did phase him. He handled those sorts of things with this amazing sense of poise and rationality that most people thought it was almost impossible for him to feel these normal emotions. His baby cousin would ask him if he was a robot or something that his parents had built in their basement; it seemed that he never really expressed his emotions in the -out there- way that Elliot did. Compared to Elliot, Caleb was a robot, even he would admit it. Compared to his best friend who wore his heart on his sleeve and seemed to have no problem with smiling from day to day with a smile on his face that seemed so utterly bright that it made Caleb's stomach cave in on itself or the way that Elliot would press his face into Caleb's neck when they were laying together on the couch whenever they were exhausted and had spent hours trying to get Joey to sleep, Elliot just never with held many of his emotions from Caleb. Caleb could read him like an open book, and Caleb himself tried his damnedest to try and do that same thing for Elliot. It was the least that he could do. He knew that for the most part Elliot trusted Caleb with his emotions, would let him know how he felt when and where, and Caleb respected that so much, and it made Caleb feel so good about it, and he always thought it was the least he could do, actually open up and let Elliot know when he felt like shit or when he just couldn't wipe the smile off of his face or when he wanted to just close his bedroom door and listen to music on a high volume into the late hours of the night and just not do anything. Elliot knew so much about him, and vice versa, and for so many years it had always been this way, right from the moment Elliot had bounded up to him in high school and had deemed Caleb his new best friend, despite Caleb's mild protests and sarcastic comments and off looks.
The past few days, however, were so uncharacteristic of their friendship that it made Caleb feel uneasy, something that was rare itself for the twenty year old. He never avoided Elliot; it was almost physically impossible to, and for the past few weeks, hell the whole past month really, he and Elliot had been glued to the hip. Sure, it had mostly been Joey's doing; when he'd first told Caleb that he was taking in his big sister's child for his own, Caleb had wanted to smack him so hard. He'd settled for raising an eyebrow and questioning Elliot's sanity and his reasoning for doing it, but the instant that Elliot had dragged Caleb back to his apartment to show him the baby that he had taken in, Caleb hadn't been able to stay mad at that. Even if the kid wasn't Elliot's there was no mistaking the same eyes that Elliot had, that chocolate brown that seemed to shine whenever she got a smile on her face, matching that of her uncle's (dad's? Technically speaking). Joey was one of those babies, one of the ones that won you over the instant you met her because of that childlike innocence that was utterly captivating. And thus, Caleb had started spending his free time over at Elliot's place. When he hadn't been at work in the music store or he hadn't been visiting his parents, he had been over at Elliot's, at first for a couple of hours a day, going shopping for Elliot because he seemed to forget about feeding himself but seemed to have a sharp mind when it came to blowing off his money on more clothes and toys for Joey that she couldn't wear yet or play with yet because she was only a couple of months old. Caleb had taken over most of the domestic responsibilities, if that was the correct word. The cooking and what not. Cleaning was another story, because Elliot's apartment had started to look more and more like a hurricane victim than anything else. Caleb's own apartment, when he had finally returned to it after not having been back for two straight weeks, had been in a similar state, as though it were the victim of a hurricane and long forgotten by the inhabitants, with dishes piled up in the sink from the last time he'd eaten at his own place, his clothes still everywhere and mail littered all over the floor, his rent notice among them.
The first night back at his own apartment had been oddly quiet. He had been used to the crying of a baby and Elliot talking drearily in his ear as they both weaved in and out of consciousness. It was too quiet, he had realized, as he'd started spending his time back at his own place. He hadn't told Elliot that he was going to go back home; he knew that if he looked at Elliot in the face he wouldn't actually be able to go through with telling him he needed to go back home and be by himself. Ever since that couple had stopped Elliot and Caleb on the streets and commented on Joey, and at the same time casually referring to Elliot and Caleb as a couple themselves, Caleb had been sort of freaked. Well, sort of freaked was the understatement of the year. He'd been scared shitless, and within a few days he had been doubting everything. He'd been doing everything with half of his attention focused on the fact that it seemed to have gotten to the point where everyone was calling them a couple. And God, the thing that scared him the most was that he had no problem with that, and that was the problem in itself. Elliot was his best friend, had been his best friend since their freshman year of high school when they had been small and awkward and about to get squashed by the high school senior jocks. They'd gone through a lot together, they had both gotten permanent spots in each other's families because of the time that they spent together. They had been best friends and forever were meant to be best friends, and nothing else. But even as he told himself, he'd repeated that thought to himself for the past week as he'd paced his apartment and cleaned up and made it look habitable again. They were just friends, nothing else. But it didn't explain why his stomach knotted itself into intangible knots every time he thought of Elliot, every time he thought back to when Elliot would curl up at his side, his face pressed against some part of Caleb's neck, his easy breathing against his neck as he fell asleep after staying up to try and get Joey to sleep. He'd never been so confused about what he was feeling for his best friend.
Avoiding Elliot wasn't the solution, and deep down, he knew that. The sixth day he had spent back home, he'd realized this as he'd eaten take out, the first time in many weeks, and watched crappy black and white television, staring at the screen and not taking in a single thing that was being played back to him. He missed the bustle of the apartment, having to run back and forth to find bottles to feed Joey, clean diapers, clean clothes, food left over that hadn't spoiled or anything that he could cook so that he and Elliot wouldn't starve. He missed that hectic lifestyle. Sure, a couple of weeks ago he'd have missed the quiet atmosphere his apartment was currently providing, but now he just wanted all of that back in his life. Most of all he wanted to talk to Elliot and apologize over and over again for leaving him without so much as a notice, apologize until he was blue in the face and Elliot had no choice but to not be mad at him. It would be easy enough, right? Elliot couldn't stay mad at him, he'd never stayed mad at him in the past. Granted, he'd never done anything like this in their years of knowing each other so it might not have been as easy. But he could hope, right? That was what he was telling himself now as he stood outside of Elliot's flat, his hands shoved into his pockets. He'd been standing there for almost ten minutes now, telling himself that he could do this, knock on the door and explain everything and everything go back to normal. He had a key to the apartment still that he'd had for God knows how long, but he didn't think it would exactly do him any favors just barging in like that. Sighing a heavy sigh, he raised a calloused hand and knocked on the door once, twice, three times for good measure, before he stood back, shoving his hands back into his pockets and hoping to look casual. Staring down at his scuffed shoes, his breath hitched just slightly as he heard the door open somewhere above his head. Glancing up cautiously, he plastered a hesitant small smile up on his face before he cleared his throat. “Um.. hey, Elliot...” It would've helped him just slightly to have prepared a speech or something, he thought wildly as he looked at Elliot, but he couldn't think much else. His stomach had done its newfound hobby of knotting itself uncomfortably as he looked at Elliot, who, even with his sleep deprived eyes and wild hair and exhausted general look, still looked, well, rather perfect in his mind.
charzie as elliot c: - 1607 words - this is seriously one of the best things i've written in such a long time oh my g o d c:
|
|
|
Post by elliot on Jul 10, 2011 14:37:09 GMT -5
caleb was elliot’s best friend and elliot was entirely sure that that fact would never change. no matter what happened, for years he had believed that after everything else had fallen to the ground around them or gone up in flames or had just plain disappeared, they’d still be best friends at the end of it. it was hard not to believe that; caleb was as good as part of his family, he was elliot’s mostly indisputable favourite person in the world and he’d given up so much to come and help elliot out. normal friends didn’t do that. normal friends didn’t end up moving into each other’s houses without even thinking too deeply into it, normal friends didn’t give up their houses and their solitude and their peace and quiet and nice normal relaxing lives to come and look after a baby that wasn’t their responsibility in the slightest; normal people didn’t make their friend’s child their responsibility. but caleb had. from the start, elliot had always figured that caleb was something more than just the ordinary high schooler elliot had talked to. he’d been dead set on becoming best friends with caleb because he had sensed that there was something special, a little different about caleb that made elliot instinctively trust him and want to impress him. even now, that hadn’t really changed – whenever elliot caught sight of caleb’s face, no matter whether he looked tired or annoyed or frustrated, it just made elliot’s insides constrict in the nicest possible way and it felt almost as if his veins had been filled with liquid gold, the way he suddenly felt as if the world was just a little smaller and a little safer. elliot would be the first one to admit how strange their friendship was if you looked at it from the outside. they seemed like the most incompatible people going, but in the end it was as if they softened each other’s edges and balanced each other out. it was so effortlessly easy to just blindly trust caleb, more than anyone else in the world, and go along with whatever was happening at the time because at the end of the day caleb would make sure nothing would ever go wrong.
which was why it was almost as if elliot was lost out at sea right now because he had no idea what to do. he was sure caleb hadn’t really left, not properly, or at least he told himself that for the first couple of days when caleb had suddenly just ceased to wander around the apartment with him. it was almost as if the apartment had been plunged underwater, the way everything seemed darker and heavier and it was harder to breathe because elliot didn’t know what to do. it wasn’t as if he had never lived without caleb, because he’d managed adequately he supposed after joey was born for a short amount of time before he eventually broke the news to caleb that, hey, i have a baby now and she’s the most beautiful thing ever. but he’d grown so used to not having to do everything on his own, of being able to rely on someone else to pick up some of the slack and most of all to have someone to share his happiness and excitement with whenever joey did something new or smiled at him. despite what anyone might say, elliot saw joey as caleb’s just as much as she was elliot’s and it was so unfair that even though he’d just upped and left without so much as a glance back at them, they could both feel his absence so sorely because he really belonged to be in this apartment with them. sometimes elliot would turn around and go to tell him something or even just grab onto him like he usually did and then realise he was just met with a silent gap and it made him feel so unbelievably hollow, as if the disappointment had eaten away at his insides. he wasn’t very good at being alone. it seemed like everything was amplified when he was alone – the silence and the workload and the tiredness and the bitter sting at the back of his eyes and his throat whenever he realised that no-one was answering his aimless speaking. sometimes he’d forget, when he was so tired his vision blurred together and joey had finally fallen asleep andthe relief washed over him so quickly sometimes he forgot anything was wrong. and then he’d realise the nagging thought in the back of his head that something had been wrong beforehand, and it would all come flooding back and he’d end up feeling too lost and helpless to even consider doing anything but attempting to clean up the apartment by shoving the mess under couches and in overflowing closets.
it had been six days since caleb had left, which was one hundred and forty three hours or eight thousand six hundred and forty minutes and although elliot had tried really hard to prove he was perfectly fine without his best friend both literally and figuratively cleaning up his messes, but in reality he wasn’t. he just missed caleb, a lot, and sometimes when joey wouldn’t stop crying enough to go to sleep at a time which elliot could never remember, he figured that maybe joey missed him a lot too. and it wasn’t fair but it was never fair because no matter how hard elliot tried to pretend everything was normal, it wasn’t and if he couldn’t achieve the one thing he so desperately wanted more than anything else in the world right at this moment, then what could he do? he thinks he may have run out of money for the moment, because his electricity was flickering dubiously and when it got to about six in the morning it had suddenly shut off, the television had gone blank and the heating had turned off and now elliot was both miserable and cold. he’d wrapped joey up in a few blankets he’d dug out because she was thankfully still sleeping before trudging into his room to see if he could find some sort of jumper, but the only one he managed to find smelt so strongly of caleb that he hadn’t even been able to put it on without his eyes stinging. he’d finally managed to pull it on, messing his untameable hair up even more and swallowing resolutely in order to stop himself from crying because, well, he didn’t need caleb, okay? only he really did. he was staring at himself dumbly in the reflection of the window, rubbing at his tired eyes and trying to focus on something without his vision blurring and fogging over but it didn’t seem to be working, and his legs felt like they were going to collapse underneath him at any minute and then someone knocked on the door.
elliot wasn’t sure who it was, only that they were probably going to wake up joey if they continued so he stumbled over to the door in his haste to quiet the visitor and pulled it open. he blinked in confusion up at caleb as his best friend smiled at him and god this was so stupid. this was so ridiculously stupid and all elliot wanted to do was maybe cry and drag caleb inside and beg him to never leave again but he couldn’t do that because he was supposed to hate caleb, he was supposed to never want him back so even though his insides melted traitorously at the small smile gracing caleb’s features, he just stared up at him blankly for another second before slamming the door in his face. it probably would’ve been more effective if elliot hadn’t had to slow down and shut the door as quietly as possible in order to not wake up joey who it seemed hadn’t slept for more than two hours since caleb had left ( but that was a whol two hours longer than elliot had so he supposed he should give her some credit ) and he felt that maybe he was going just a little crazy as he stared at the inside of his door. the shadows in the rooms seemed to be coming to life and sometimes if he looked at it out of the corner of his life it was as if spiders were creeping up his walls. he waited for about ten seconds, counted them slowly in his head and then recounted because he had nothing better to do, and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. all he was thinking about was that maybe he had just passed up the one chance he had to get caleb back and his eyes prickled incessantly and he couldn’t breathe properly ad then, before he could really think about what he was doing or why this was a bad plan of action, he pulled the door open again and stumbled out just a little, feeling like he was about to just fall over and die from a lack of sleep or food or just loneliness maybe, blurting out at the same time, ’wait no, no please don’t go, okay, i’m sorry, i’m sorry okay, please please just wait, don’t leave again okay, i’m sorry, right, i’m sorry and you can, you can say something if you’d like, i don’t know, just, just please don’t go.’ [/blockquote] rini as caleb :3 – 1576 words – i like this i suppose c: [/center][/size]
|
|
|
Post by caleb on Jul 19, 2011 22:23:35 GMT -5
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I'VE GIVEN IT ALL TO YOU Maybe this was a mistake. He didn't think this one through, he knew that as he stood on Elliot's doorstep waiting for him to open the door for him. It was almost like a wild guess if he would even open the door for him. And if he did, what made Caleb think that Elliot would talk to him? If the roles were reversed, Caleb knew that he would probably close the door and never look at him and talk to him again. That wasn't much of any comfort to him, and he knew it. He had to try though; that was his best friend of God knows how many years behind that door and he was going to do his damnedest to get him to talk to him. Caleb had this planned, at least he liked to think so. He knew the words that he wanted to say; he would apologize, explain himself, apologize a couple of more times, offer to take diaper duty for a month if it made Elliot not be mad at him. Elliot never really got mad at anyone, and Caleb knew that so well, but he knew that this wasn't something Elliot would take lightly. Ever since he had taken in Joey as his own kid, Caleb knew that Elliot wouldn't be the type to let anything slide like that, that easily anymore. That was what worried Caleb, because he wasn't sure what he'd have to do in the end to get him to talk to him.
He wasn't sure what it was about the fact that the one couple they had run into, calling them a couple, had done to make him completely turn around and realize that there was something else going on here that was somewhere beyond just best friends that were taking care of a baby together. No one before had told them that they looked like a cute couple. And sure, it was a simple statement that many people would find enjoyment or pleasure or whatever at; it made Caleb's stomach knot itself into a tight little knot and never undo on its own, because he liked the idea of them being a couple. And that was a thought that he had never thought before, and had never thought he would ever actually think. It was strange on such a new level. They were best friends, and that was it. Elliot was the obnoxious kid who had bounded up to him their freshman year of high school and had nominated Caleb as his best friend before Caleb had even known who he was. They'd gone through band class together, they'd gone through shitty high school years together, and they went through the after high school years together. And now, here they were, raising a kid together. When anyone first heard it, they would automatically think they were the next Neil Patrick Harris and David Burkta; having a kid together and living together and getting married the first chance they got. He remembered when he called his mom and told her he was helping Elliot with his baby, she thought the same thing. It was an undeniable part of what he'd have to go through, but he hadn't really been prepared to feel the way that he had. He hadn't been prepared to feel a small bit of elation at the idea of them as a couple. He'd never seen Elliot in that manner at all, but the more time they spent staying up late together, falling asleep on the couch for maybe two or so hours before Joey woke up screaming again, struggling to stay awake as they went grocery shopping and giving Joey her bath, the more he felt it, and the more it had scared him until he'd had to retreat to the apartment that he'd left behind. And right now, standing on the doorstep of his best friend's apartment, he was hoping that he wouldn't exactly have to go back.
He should've seen that one coming. When the door slammed right in his face he wasn't sure what made him stand there for a few seconds, his hand raised and poised to knock again, blinking at the hard wood as though it would magically open again and Elliot would look at him the same and invite him in as if Caleb had only just gone to the store and not just walked out on him for a week or so. He knew he deserved this; admitting that didn't make him feel any better, though. Dropping his hand, he knew he should've walked away. Elliot made it slightly clear when he closed the door ( not slammed; he would've heard Joey's crying on the other side if he'd actually slammed the door in his face ) that he didn't want to talk. But then, why the hell was he still standing here? He wasn't too sure, to be honest. He wasn't going to give up, but he couldn't bring himself to knock on the door again. Really, he wasn't sure what to do. He was completely lost. He'd never dealt with anything like this before, he'd never been the guy that walked off of anyone; usually it was the other way around, and that wasn't saying much because he'd been in only one relationship in his entire life. God, he was even comparing this to an actual relationship. Romantic relationships. God, he wasn't sure what even he was doing anymore. Sighing, he started to turn on his heel, ready to head back off to the apartment that seemed so empty to him now, when he heard the door opening quickly behind him, followed by Elliot's voice. Turning around, he blinked at Elliot for a second, an eyebrow raised. “Um, are you done with your little rant so I can … so I can apologize?” Clearing his throat, he sighed as he brought his brown eyes up to meet Elliot's blue ones. God, it was always easy to look right into Elliot's eyes; they were that sort of mesmerizing shade of blue he used to be jealous over. “I came here to apologize... to say i'm sorry. I didn't... I shouldn't have just left you and Joey for a week...” He caught himself glancing at his shoes, scuffing them up on the ground before he glanced up through his hair to look at Elliot's face. “Can I..... can I come in?”
charzie as elliot c: - 1076 words - this is ok? c:
|
|